For an elopement the vows are one of the most important and impactful part of the entire day! It personalizes the whole wedding ceremony and it is the perfect way to start your marriage together! Writing your vows doesn’t have to be complicated and time consuming, but I do recommend starting early and not leaving this part to the last minute. Here are some tips and ideas of how to write and what to write about.

In my opinion, the vows should be about 3-7min long per person. This is your chance to tell your loved one how much they actually mean to you. People tend not to take time for this during everyday life, but this is your chance! If not during the wedding ceremony then when? Also, 3-5min is long enough so that you can actually go in more deeply than just “I love you” and “thank you for everything”. 

Also, I would really consider having a videographer at your wedding, because while you do your vows, you are on an emotional rollercoaster, shaking, having the hardest time catching your breath, maybe ugly-crying… Because of all those emotions you will probably forget everything that was said during the ceremony within a day or two. If you have your vows on a video, you can relive how your loved one is telling you the words you can never hear enough!

How to gather some ideas about what to say? 

At the end of this guide you will find a possible structure of how to frame your thoughts, but before that I would like you to gather some general ideas first. 

Get inspired: The best way to write your own wedding vows is to become inspired. Put together a playlist of different romantic songs, read old letters from each other, or look at old photographs. Walking down memory lane could be a useful tool to get in the “mood” and help get the words flowing and it can remind you of some amazing moments that you may have forgotten about. 

Make a list of all your thoughts: Have a list you can go back to to make sure you have covered all the bases. This is why I recommend starting out with writing the vows rather early. If you start writing down things you love about your partner, think of the moments you feel loved by him/her. You might start noticing new things from the everyday life and routines that you just cherish and should bring out! It’s so easy to forget to write something in your vows if you don’t write all those lovely thoughts down. This list will be a great starting point to help you focus.

Don’t stress: Don’t stress trying to cover everything in your wedding vows. While we all understand you want to fit everything you are feeling into your vow book, it’s impossible. You have your whole life to tell your partner how much you love them.

Say “I love you”: This may sound shocking, but a lot of couples tend to forget to say these three little words in their vows. Often, they will get so wrapped up in all the other details, they forget to say the words that mean the most. Take a moment, ideally more than once, to remind your partner how much you love him/her.

Make promises you’ll keep: Think about what’s important to both of you. Think about what goals you both want to accomplish and what promises you want to make. Most wedding vows talk about working through the good times and the bad. It’s nice to bring up that you understand that marriage won’t always be sunshine and rainbows, and how ready you are to tackle everything that comes on your way together. You can promise to stick by their side no matter what, but also promise to put down the toilet seat. Make it true to you and feel free to add something funny to your vows. 

Get personal: We touched upon this, but you don’t have to make your vows 100% romantic because no relationship is ever 100% candlelit dinners and roses. Your partner also wants to hear about what makes your relationship authentic. Talk about the late-night binge eating to a whole season on Netflix, or that crazy time you both got stranded exploring somewhere new. Make your vows raw and unapologetically you.

If you are nervous, practice! For some couples, writing their wedding vows isn’t the only stressful thing. Reading out loud could be another aspect that makes you feel jittery. Remember  however, the person you are reading your vows to will not judge you. If you find yourself nervous, don’t be afraid to go through a practice run or share some ideas with a close friend or family member. Also, if you have practiced enough, you will be able to read it by heart and have more time to look your partner in the eye while you say all those amazing things.

Keep your vows a secret: Think of your wedding vows as a wedding present to each other. While we do suggest talking about the length you both should write for each other (you don’t want to write 2 pages and have your partner write 10!), we think everything else should be kept a secret. This is a great time to show your partner how you see them through your eyes.

Pick out the perfect vow book: Think about where you will write down your vows and read from during your elopement. It would be nice if you two have the same kind of thing. Not that one uses an iPad and the other one has hand-written wedding vows on an ancient paper written in calligraphy 🤭

Here is a possible structure you could use for your wedding vows and some ideas to consider

Introduction: start with a sweet greeting or specific nickname. Share your love and gratitude for your partner. Some ideas to consider:

• Use nicknames – keep it personal
• Thanking – show gratitude to how far you’ve come and how glad you are to be there in this very moment

Reflection: Give a quick recap of your journey together. Highlight key moments that shaped your bond. Some things to consider:

• How you met and how your relationship grew
• Milestones and challenges you both experienced together
• The most meaningful memories you have together that bring you joy
• The moment you knew you found “the one”

Qualities & appreciation: Highlight the qualities you love in your partner and recall moments that show them. Some ideas to consider:

• Highlight the qualities you love in your partner, especially how they have made you better
• Incorporate inside jokes only you two know
• Mention a time your partner really helped you out of a hard time
• Talk about how your partner lights up a room or just makes you happier overall

Promises: Articulate the promises you want to make. Use this section to convey your commitment to love, support and cherish each other. Some ideas to consider:

• Start with “I promise to…”
• Incorporate words like ‘commitment’, ‘support’ and ‘forever’
• Remember, not all promises you make to each other have to be super serious. You can also promise to be the one to kill the roaches or go on ice cream runs

Future together: Envision your future as a couple. Share your hopes and dreams for the life you’ll build together. Some ideas to consider:

• The family you one day hope to have or what you are looking forward to sharing
• Where you hope to be in 5, 10 or even 30 years from now

Closing: End with a powerful statement of love. Consider adding a quote or a line that encapsulates your feelings.

Conclusion

Take time to write your vows. Get inspired, think about the times you’ve been through. Think about what your partner brings to your relationship and makes you feel. Write things down as soon as a thought crosses your mind and then you’ll have the writing go much easier!

I hope this vow writing guide has been helpful and you two will have the most amazing, hand-shaking, breath-taking vows!